Getting Unstuck
Feroshia R.J. Knight, MA, PCC
After fixing dinner and cleaning the kitchen, I unloaded my car of work paraphernalia. This was going to be a late night and, sadly, I would once again miss Cougartown. I stacked my arms a foot high with manila folders, and on top of that I balanced a stapler, my dog-eared planner, a chocolate energy bar, and a thermos of lukewarm coffee. I navigated the poorly lit descent into the house, the foyer, more stairs, and the narrow hallway to my study where Psycho rattled around in her cage.
Yay! I made it without dropping a thing—a testament to my prowess at walking upright, laden with a full day's worth of stress. I breathed a happy sigh, when my famously needy four-legged Chiweenie tripped me up in his attempt to get one more bit of love and attention from me. Within millisecond’s Psycho's cage became one with the air as my flailing body knocked it clean off the credenza.
No-o-o-o!
My armful of files skyrocketed. The stapler spiraled into the ficus, my planner plopped into the wastebasket, and the coffee thermos whacked the desk and popped its lid, spraying cold coffee all over me as I gaped breathlessly at the ceiling. My dog high-tailed it out of there, no doubt thinking he was in trouble. I was just thankful I hadn't knocked over the fish tank.
As I got to my knees, I realized Psycho's cage had flipped, but she was still running on her wheel. Not even her world turned upside down could stop my industrious gerbil from running in circles. She was stuck on auto-pilot.
Much like me.
Yes, I confess to doing the same things over and over and expecting different results from my efforts. But I'm not alone. Raise your hand if you ever feel like Psycho, running nonstop while life passes you by. Like you're existing in someone else’s unlived life.
It's an easy pattern to fall into. I teach and coach change daily; yet I allowed it to happen to me. So much for being a good example of practicing what I preach... I took on too much, spiraling around the needs of everyone else—including people who could do things for themselves. It's dizzying. By day's end, I was exhausted, restless, and cleaning coffee stains off my favorite white blouse.
Because I own it, I also own the opportunity to change it. But how do you change things up when you've been driving yourself toward the Gates of Neglect for years?
There is a way!
It's about the choices we make. I want to make choices that better fit my life and goals, while honoring my commitments to others. I want to be good at my work but not overloaded. I want my "me" time. I want to eat a chocolate energy bar and watch Cougartown or heck - that latest Netflix film still sitting in the mailbox three days later.
Pause now to breathe, reflect, and take stock of how you spend your time. Then turn your focus toward things that make you feel alive and engaged in the moment, that nourish and encourage you, that allow you to be a happier, more passionate and joyful person. That's where you want to get to.
Let me share 3 simple choices you can make right now to get un-stuck.
- Learn to say no. Not so easy when you're a people pleaser, but this one belongs at the top of the list. With a plate less full, you can concentrate on the things and people who mean the most;
- Plan the work and work the plan. The night before or first thing in the morning, write down the essential to-do's. Give yourself realistic time frames for each task, and don't overload or clutter your plan by saying yes to non-essential tasks or needy people (you know who you are); and
- Insist on a special 30-60 minutes a day for yourself. Make sure it shows prominently on your calendar. This is the priority time you invest in you. If outside influences urge you to blow it off, remember Tip #1.
You're welcome. Hey, looky there. I wonder if a chocolate energy bar is still good after it's been floating in your fish tank.
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