Too Sexy For My Skirt
Feroshia R.J. Knight, MA, PCC
Last Saturday, I ran into a client at the mall. Grace is a 38-year-old paralegal, about 5' 5", 160 pounds, and well-known for dressing like her 88-year-old Granny Mildred. Grace was in a hurry to find something last-minute for her first date in years.
"I have to look sexy tonight," she said, with wide eyes. "How am I supposed to look sexy in this body?"
"Whatever you choose," I said, "you're going to be fabulous!"
Grace rolled her eyes. "You have to say that. It's your job to encourage me."
"True," I said. "Especially the part about looking fabulous in whatever you choose."
She grabbed my hand and pleaded, "Help me?"
Since I had some time to kill, and my shopping prowess is on par with Venus Williams' ace serve, I tagged along. Besides, given Grace's history of sporting geriatric couture, my services might come in handy. We visited five boutiques, and in every one, Grace remarked on the skinny 20-somethings flipping through the racks, wearing tight-fitting tops, mini-skirts, and six-inch heels.
"I want to look like them," Grace lamented, "but obviously I don't have that kind of physique, so this is a hopeless endeavor. I might as well go home and eat ice cream."
I stuck my fingertips in my ears. "La-la-la-la, I'm not listening to your negative self-talk, and you shouldn't either!"
"Oh!" Grace said, pointing frantically. "There it is! That's it! The outfit!"
We examined a three-piece ensemble on a mannequin and quickly located the items in her size. In the dressing room, she modeled it for me.
Now I'm all for a woman wearing what makes her feel sexy, but I got the sense this outfit—a silver-sequined white top, frayed denim mini-skirt, and black tights—was meant for a middle schooler.
"It's definitely a fun outfit," I said, "but how does it make you feel?"
"Like Elsie the Cow in a tutu. But it's the right price, it covers all my problem areas, and don't you think it makes me look younger?"
"A lot younger," I said. "You could hire out as a babysitter."
She swatted at me ineffectually. "I'm so getting this."
Grace paid for her purchases and even wore them out of the store with a new pair of flats. We were saying our farewells when Grace's boss appeared in front of us.
"Grace?" he said, bending toward her. "Is that you?"
Grace's face flushed. "Uh-huh," she muttered. She then introduced us, and turned into a wallflower who hardly said two more words.
"Well, I'll see you in a while then," her boss said. "You just have time to change before I pick you up, huh?"
"Yeah," Grace said, with downcast eyes. "I'll be ready."
Yup, Grace had a date with her boss, and he wasn't as impressed with Grace's new outfit as she was. Immediately after Boss Man left, Grace sagged against me.
"I can't believe I thought he'd like me in this ridiculous get-up."
"Not to worry," I said. "I think the five-second rule applies here. We'll pick you up, dust you off, and start all over again. I know you only have a short time, but I saw a dress inside that you'll look spectacular in."
Minutes later, Grace looked smokin' in a tailored shift that accentuated her curves while minimizing her so-called trouble spots. It suited her more conservative taste in clothes and her authentic personality—minus the granny smock. Most importantly, she loved the way she felt wearing it. How did she feel? Sexy.
Grace forgot that buying clothes to please herself is the first rule in shopping. Sometimes you don't know what looks best on you until you experiment—so be brave and experiment!—but ultimately, you have to like yourself in it.
Shopping can be stressful for many women, so here are a few things to think about before you hand over your hard-earned cash:
- You can dress to please someone else, but if what you're wearing doesn't please you, you'll be uncomfortable and self-conscious the whole time you're stuck in it.
You can update your style and still dress like you. If you're unsure, take a knowledgeable style maven with you, and ask for honest feedback.
- Be open-minded. Some things will look better on you than the hanger, and vice versa. Experiment and have fun!
I bought a stunning little number for myself that day with Grace, and I'm excited to wear it out on the town tonight. The trim even has shiny silver sequins that add a touch of elegance. It'll be fun to wear, and I feel like I look fabulous in it—which is perfect, because feeling fabulous is what it's all about.
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